THE PROBLEM WITH MUPPET LOVE

I’ll get to the muppet, promise. Hang with me.

The whole idea of impression management shows me what we think we want out of our relationships. So many of our relationships are built on a desire to be admired, not known. We believe this lie that tells us love is on the other side of admiration, not on the other side of being known. So we will filter the information and curate our impression in an effort to be as attractive as possible, because we believe this attraction is what will lead us to being loved. The twist is that it is only our honest self that can be loved, not our impressive self. And so many of us will spend time building impressions and wondering why we still feel alone.

Here’s a silly metaphor. It’s like we’ve all built muppets. And because we’re afraid of our imperfections being seen by people, we send out this muppet to do the talking for us. Sure, we’re the one operating it, making its mouth open and close, getting it to smile, getting it to look emotive, but it’s the muppet we want people to look at, not the operator. We take the muppet to parties, to work, on dates, and even into our time alone. What ends up happening is, just as planned, people love the muppet. People give our muppet compliments, hugs, attention, and affection; however, the operator only feels a tiny fraction of that love, enough to make them keep going but not enough keep them from trying harder. So the operator’s solution is simple: make the muppet more impressive. Maybe then they’ll love the operator more. But the more and more we work to make our muppet impressive, the less and less we’ll be seen, and the more and more we will actually start to believe that this muppet is who we are, and that this is the most loved we’ll ever feel.

So much of what the church calls “sin” is just people striving after what they don’t realize they already have. Impression management and manipulation are one example of that. Our “muppets”, if you will, are our attempts at being loved because we have failed to see that who we are is already deeply lovable. And the danger isn’t that we become unlovable, but that we become so distracted in our impression management that we are numb to the Love speaking to us. We don’t lose our value, but we do lose our ability to see and experience how infinitely valuable we are.

We’re going to have to surrender these presentations if we want to come to realize how lovable we are. Who you are is what you’re going to have to bring to the party if you want to have a chance at being truly loved. If that sounds like risk, it is. It’s risk, but to not risk is to never let yourself be loved. So what do you want to do about this muppet?